Death cab

I hate it when people try to tell me about early Death Cab. Um, I know. And you're wrong.

MUMBLER!!!!!!

You know you really should stop mumbling, it's starting to bum me out!
Dude. I only hear you when you shout, why do you think that is? Could it be:
A. You talk with your hand over your mouth
B. You only enunciate when you're shouting
C. You talk with your mouth full
D. All of the above

How Do You Think It Feels?

When you revealed your betrayal, the ONE THING that I asked you was not to bring him to gigs, so as not to rub it in my face.

So I turn up to the gig last night, and who is the first person I see, but HIM?

How do you think it feels, for me, to watch you, standing onstage, singing the song I wrote about how much he hurt me, singing those words "I know you felt that click when our heads aligned, but did I make you sick, when our bodies intertwined" with him standing up front, oblivious, staring at you like a lovestruck puppydog?

How the FUCK do you think that feels?

Bizarre Love Triangle

You know, leaving aside issues of morality, because I know that I'm kind of old fashioned with regards to these things, and I know that you rather pride yourself in being amoral... the fact of the matter is, here is an action which you *knew* if you persued it, would greatly hurt someone who viewed you as a close friend. The fact that you *chose* to do it, even though you knew how much it would hurt me, has completely destroyed any trust between us, and has, essentially, destroyed our intimacy, and therefore our friendship.

However... I have worked HARD on this band, I have invested too much of my time and my effort and my LIFE in this band to let you destroy it because you can't keep your twat in your pants.

When stupid effing high maintenance real estate bitches give me input on their brochures piecemeal, as if I know everything they want and can read their mind. HEY, DIPSHIT....SEND ME THE SPECS FOR WHAT YOU WANT IN WRITING!!!!!

I think regardless of what happens, after this week, I am OUTTA THERE.

'Cleb Life

-I cannot go to a gig I was invited to, because the band goes on at 10pm and it's in KILBURN. Might as well be on THE MOON as far as transport back to Sarf London goes.

-The club where my friends are DJing does not even START until 9pm. Sorry, but I cannot do your average 10pm-3am Shoreditch nightclubbing when I have to get up and WORK the next day.

-Birthday drinks for a work colleague and I can't even go to that because I CANNOT DRINK as I am bloody detoxing in order to be able to fit into last autumn's clothes as I cannot afford to buy a new set in a larger size.

I know it's stupid to think that once you've been on TV, everything will be brilliant from then on, because you will be a CLEB and everyone will love you, and you will never be lonely again. But it would be nice... :-(

nothing trumps toddlers

I have this friend who had A BABY. And she used to send photos directly to my email account but now she's discovered an online storage system so thank god, i can delete babyspamming at will.
I decided to try sending some of my own photos out, and said I would have more from Warsaw and Lisbon later this year. And in response, three more posts: "This weekend we went to a birthday party! Last sunday we went apple picking! This morning we had a bath! Here are 306 photos of each event!"
I guess apple-picking is way more interesting than foreign travel. Maybe I'm just annoying about it. I LIVE IN EUROPE! I SEE EUROPEAN THINGS!

overheard

Blowjobmouth just said the following: "Yeah, I won't go back to Cancun. It's very American."

News flash: booking a package holiday to a Club Med-style resort does not equal an authentic experience of the country.

You fucking dolt.

The Burden Of Leadership...

You know, EVERYONE else in this band has been allowed to skip, cancel or otherwise turn down gigs for all MANNER of reasons, from "it's my birthday" to "I'm going to a festival" to "I'm off on holiday" to "I'm going to a wedding" to "it's deadline week and I procrasturbated the rest of the month away" and oh yeah, "I've got to work."

The ONCE that I have to say that I cannot do a gig because I HAVE TO WORK (Sorry, I work in an accounting department with a Month End that is as rigid as any deadline) I get all kinds of hassle about "oh, can't you move it?" and "oh no but we can't cancel now..."

Like I haven't ALREADY talked to my boss to try to find another arrangement? I'm the Reliable One. I'm not the one who misses soundchecks and rehearsals because "I have PMT."

Aside from anything else, I think it would be GOOD for the band to do a gig without me. Then they might actually realise how much WORK it involves and how much of that work that *I* do. And then maybe, just maybe they might stop taking me for granted.

Get One Motherf*cking Fact Checker

You know, if you don't like the music I make, that's your taste. If you think it's "twee" or whatever, because it has girls and harmonies and - OHNOES!!! - a pretty melody, that's just your preconceptions.

However, if you say there's a motherf*cking CASIO involved, you're just FACTUALLY WRONG. Can you not tell the difference between a Casio and a GUITAR even when there are pictures of said instruments on the cover? Are you BLIND as well as DEAF?

Now just you wait until I come round and shove my "casio" up your ass.

POXY FULE

Turn back oh poxy fule, MY ARSE!!!

Gimme my goddam ILX today. Dammit.

Crabbypants

People in general, mostly.

Mommie Dearest

Why does everyone think I'm their fucking mother?

my favorite song, right now, this minute, is

"Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away" by Motley Crue.
Followed by "Leave (Get Out)" by JoJo, but only for the title.

special fucking needs

if you are a high strung, overly sensitive person with a persecution complex then YOU SHOULD NOT BE IN CUSTOMER SERVICE because i guaran-fucking-tee you SOMEONE during the day is going to be unhappy about SOMETHING and will let you know.
jesus fucking christ!

Ms. Pharmacist

You know, I can see you back there, yack yack yacking with your colleague and having a good old gossip behind the stacks of pills, totally disregarding the queue that is piling up in front of the counter.

You know, because we just go to Boots because it's such a FUN and HAPPY and EXCITING PLACE, not, you know, because some of us might be ill, or in pain, or maybe even dying, or perhaps just waiting to get their anti-anxiety anti-depressants that make them not BLOW UP AND EXPLODE WITH FREAKING RAGE AND KICK YOUR ARSE INSTEAD OF JUST A DISPLAY COUNTER WITH ANGER if we don't take them regularly.

Just saying, like.

so i think the finished books look bad, and you tell me to go ahead and ship them anyway.
and then you tell me to call the customer to see how he likes them, so i can hear from the tone in his voice how he really feels, because you are very nervous about them.
so then why the fuck did you tell me to send them out the way they were instead of fucking re-doing them like i said we should???

screw you

The little snot who speaks seven languages just made a snotty comment about why should I get the super-nice monitor, I'm just a sub, and I snapped "Because I work harder," and he gave me a perplexed glare and I felt kind of bad but then it was like, dude, fuck off. Don't make snotty comments about my placement versus yours on the food chain and then take offense when I snap back.

know what I love?

Coming in on Monday morning to find a stack of papers on my desk, as though I haven't been here a year and know where to find the work. The fucker is ON VACATION and STILL trying to micromanage me. Fucking HELL!

i do not fucking need sound effects for every fucking thing you do all day. i do not need you to smack your lips and lick your fingers loudly when you eat, i do not need to hear you whine and murmur to yourself when you are confused or dismayed, i do not need to hear a loud play by play of your conversation with the bicycle shop when i am at lunch and have my noise-reducing headphones on.
and thanks for stealing the microwave from me, you fucking heifer.