just do your goddamn job.

Don't whinge at me, don't pout your lip and play cute, don't act like the bare minimum of what is expected of you is an imposition. You cow.

The bank that likes to say YES

I piss myself off. I am like the bank that says YES. I keep saying yes to people when I should say no. I don't like saying No. But when I say yes that gives me more work to do and then I am rarely in bed before 1:30 in the morning these days. NO NO NO NO. Must say NO. and MEAN No.

So Charlie asks,

Who is The Little Punk?
And I ask why.
And he says, 'cause his business cards are sitting on my desk.
So I go to The Little Punk and slap the cards on his desk and call him a punk.
Later The Man and Deputy the Man receive their cards.
No cards for me.


Of course all of these cards have the wrong publication on them, but THAT'S NOT THE POINT DAMMIT!

I really, honestly cannot believe I was just bollocked for doing something without being told to do it. Something that was requested and is normally fobbed off to me. “Don’t do anything until I tell you to do it!”
“Sorry for being efficient. I’ll just drop those IQ points and be a robot to do your bidding. Better?”

addendum

Should I also be more offended by the fact I wasn't chosen for the unexpected desk-tidy windfall considering my annual pay increase was HALF of that my colleagues earned on the sister paper?

is it just me or

when someone comes over with a big ol' roll of American dollars and asks, WHO'S GOING TO AMERICA SOON?, and hands up oh I am oh I am, that you give it to The American, or to the owl-screechy Scot on the overpaid gak force?

Sigh....

Um, I realize what I'm eating must be fascinating to you. But I'm reading a book and eating quietly for a reason. You know where you buy Cookie crisp? At the store. Yes they still make it. No, you don't have to be 7 to eat it. Leave me alone.

pointless queueing barriers

I just spent three minutes navigating a pointless porta-barrier in marks & spencer's. Now usually I think these are a good idea, especially around Christmas when you want to avoid some miserable pikey family coming up and stealing your place in the queue, or something out of your bag, the bastards.

But when the shop is empty, why oh why the hell do they have to have those stupid things up? It's not like the bloody Krypton factor, we don't get a gold star for being the fastest around the mini-maze. There was no-one in the queue ahead of me, but instead of being able to nip round the side to buy my salad, some pimly-faced student worker/numbskull oik said I had to go through the barrier-maze. "But there's no-one in the queue!" I protested. "No, but there could be and then you would be pushing in front of them". WTF? Where do they find these quality jobbers? Care in the Community?

But by the time I went back to the barrier, several people had of course then started on their long trek to the counters. So pimple-head then decided to be helpful, and undid one of the barrier things, and stuck it in diagonally across one of the four (YES, FOUR!!!) line demarkations.

Of course, the bloke in front of me ended up stuck at a dead end. He then tried to turn round, but there were too many of us in the queue behind him. So the man tried to dodge under the barrier, whereupon the red-neck commie pinko Nazi bastard just pissed off, probably to have a hand shandy over the WI calendar somewhere. In the end, I undid the stupid barriers and just went straight up to a till. A SALAD should NOT be this much trauma.

So I picked up a bag of chips and a blueberry muffin as well. Hey, I needed something to calm my nerves.

http://mermaidofmoorgate.blogspot.com

staying home sick

If I have to stay home sick from work, can I at least not actually be sick, as it makes staying home much more fun than nursing a tummy ache. A tummy ache! I'm thirty-four years old! That's just stupid!

make up my mind

All week I've been hearing Zod bang on about what's it gonna take to turn me into a chief, I've got it in me, but I spend too much time pissing about with websites (this coming from the man who was to read NME.com each morning and spends all day Wednesdays playing shockwave puzzle games on fhm.com). So this morning I say, I'm going to teach the newbie to do graphs in Illustrator and he goes off his nut about how that's his or Deputy The Man's job.
So what's it going to take to let him turn me into a chief sub? Christ.

Letter to an idiot

Yeah, pardon me for spending the last 3-4 months basically depleting my savings and my checking account and working a temp job where I made barely over 300 bucks a week while looking for, you know, a JOB so I could support myself and not put all the burden on my girlfriend....rather than worrying about your frail, fragile ego and how you need people to telepathically figure out when something is troubling you.

No wonder your supposed "best friend" packed up and moved out of town without saying goodbye. You're a clingy, co-dependent nutjob. I was nothing but nice to you and listened to you whine and vent about how mean the world is and how no guy will have you. Well, face facts, sister. No guy in his right mind would willingly hook up with some chick who constantly pines for the acceptance of people who treat her with disdain. Or, for that matter, one who accuses someone of being out to fuck them over when quite frankly, they've had more important things on their mind.

If your life is crap, more than likely, you made it that way...so do everyone a favor and either quit feeling sorry for yourself and taking out your anger on the rest of the world, or go work an actual nine to five job and then see if you have anything to whine about. Oh, but it's more important to keep your cushy condo and show everyone what a great life you have than actually get off your ASS and fix the problems in your life, right?

Fuck off.

Death cab

I hate it when people try to tell me about early Death Cab. Um, I know. And you're wrong.

MUMBLER!!!!!!

You know you really should stop mumbling, it's starting to bum me out!
Dude. I only hear you when you shout, why do you think that is? Could it be:
A. You talk with your hand over your mouth
B. You only enunciate when you're shouting
C. You talk with your mouth full
D. All of the above

How Do You Think It Feels?

When you revealed your betrayal, the ONE THING that I asked you was not to bring him to gigs, so as not to rub it in my face.

So I turn up to the gig last night, and who is the first person I see, but HIM?

How do you think it feels, for me, to watch you, standing onstage, singing the song I wrote about how much he hurt me, singing those words "I know you felt that click when our heads aligned, but did I make you sick, when our bodies intertwined" with him standing up front, oblivious, staring at you like a lovestruck puppydog?

How the FUCK do you think that feels?

Bizarre Love Triangle

You know, leaving aside issues of morality, because I know that I'm kind of old fashioned with regards to these things, and I know that you rather pride yourself in being amoral... the fact of the matter is, here is an action which you *knew* if you persued it, would greatly hurt someone who viewed you as a close friend. The fact that you *chose* to do it, even though you knew how much it would hurt me, has completely destroyed any trust between us, and has, essentially, destroyed our intimacy, and therefore our friendship.

However... I have worked HARD on this band, I have invested too much of my time and my effort and my LIFE in this band to let you destroy it because you can't keep your twat in your pants.

When stupid effing high maintenance real estate bitches give me input on their brochures piecemeal, as if I know everything they want and can read their mind. HEY, DIPSHIT....SEND ME THE SPECS FOR WHAT YOU WANT IN WRITING!!!!!

I think regardless of what happens, after this week, I am OUTTA THERE.

'Cleb Life

-I cannot go to a gig I was invited to, because the band goes on at 10pm and it's in KILBURN. Might as well be on THE MOON as far as transport back to Sarf London goes.

-The club where my friends are DJing does not even START until 9pm. Sorry, but I cannot do your average 10pm-3am Shoreditch nightclubbing when I have to get up and WORK the next day.

-Birthday drinks for a work colleague and I can't even go to that because I CANNOT DRINK as I am bloody detoxing in order to be able to fit into last autumn's clothes as I cannot afford to buy a new set in a larger size.

I know it's stupid to think that once you've been on TV, everything will be brilliant from then on, because you will be a CLEB and everyone will love you, and you will never be lonely again. But it would be nice... :-(

nothing trumps toddlers

I have this friend who had A BABY. And she used to send photos directly to my email account but now she's discovered an online storage system so thank god, i can delete babyspamming at will.
I decided to try sending some of my own photos out, and said I would have more from Warsaw and Lisbon later this year. And in response, three more posts: "This weekend we went to a birthday party! Last sunday we went apple picking! This morning we had a bath! Here are 306 photos of each event!"
I guess apple-picking is way more interesting than foreign travel. Maybe I'm just annoying about it. I LIVE IN EUROPE! I SEE EUROPEAN THINGS!

overheard

Blowjobmouth just said the following: "Yeah, I won't go back to Cancun. It's very American."

News flash: booking a package holiday to a Club Med-style resort does not equal an authentic experience of the country.

You fucking dolt.

The Burden Of Leadership...

You know, EVERYONE else in this band has been allowed to skip, cancel or otherwise turn down gigs for all MANNER of reasons, from "it's my birthday" to "I'm going to a festival" to "I'm off on holiday" to "I'm going to a wedding" to "it's deadline week and I procrasturbated the rest of the month away" and oh yeah, "I've got to work."

The ONCE that I have to say that I cannot do a gig because I HAVE TO WORK (Sorry, I work in an accounting department with a Month End that is as rigid as any deadline) I get all kinds of hassle about "oh, can't you move it?" and "oh no but we can't cancel now..."

Like I haven't ALREADY talked to my boss to try to find another arrangement? I'm the Reliable One. I'm not the one who misses soundchecks and rehearsals because "I have PMT."

Aside from anything else, I think it would be GOOD for the band to do a gig without me. Then they might actually realise how much WORK it involves and how much of that work that *I* do. And then maybe, just maybe they might stop taking me for granted.